Real Words

One of the writing blogs that I read had a post this week on a really interesting topic - the topic of who in our lives supports our freelance writing careers. I have seen several freelance writing friends choose to leave the business of freelance writing because their spouses didn’t support the career. I have also seen freelancers lose faith in themselves, get frustrated with the business and just generally slack off because they weren’t getting support from enough people in their lives about the decision to freelance.

The decision to do any kind of freelance work, including freelance writing, isn’t easy and it’s a commitment that we have to make to ourselves over and over. There are tough times when the work isn’t coming, the bills aren’t getting paid, the hours are rough, the clients are mean and the industry is in transition. In those tough times, we really need people who support us. We need people who will listen to us vent about our writing, people who will read what we post online even when no other traffic is coming through and people who will tell us that it’s going to be okay when it feels like it won’t.

So where do you turn if you don’t feel like you’re getting support in your life? Here are fifteen different individuals or groups who might support your freelance work:

1. Spouses/ romantic partners/ significant others. Not every freelance writer feels supported by their spouse. In some cases, spouses may even resent that you don’t have a normal career. This can be devastating to some freelancers so it’s an important issue to work through. Your partner doesn’t have to read everything you write but you should feel at least some support for your work coming from this person so it’s worth trying to deal with this issue over time as the relationship (and your career) continue.
2. Parents. There are certainly some people whose parents aren’t supportive of their freelance writing but many times parents are a great place to turn for a little support because they’re inevitably proud of your accomplishments. Share your work with them, especially anything with a byline or anything that mentions them positively. They’ll want to share that with others and you’ll feel supported. Parents may not be the best people to talk to about freelance writing career problems because they’ll worry about you and that may lead to them saying things that aren’t supportive but they’ll definitely be a great support in celebrating your successes.
3. Children. Teach your children that you value the work that you do and they will probably learn to value it. Celebrate your writing successes with them in small ways. Include them sometimes in your career by taking on projects that let you do fun research at places like children’s museums. Their involvement will feel like support for why you do what you do and they’ll probably grow up to be adults that support your work over time.
4. Siblings. This just depends on what your siblings are like and how close you are. Some siblings never read a thing that you write and get bored if you talk about your work. But in the end, siblings are usually there when you need them so if you’re feeling unsupported in your work then you may just want to ask them for a little support.
5. Old Friends. Support for your career among friends will be varied. Some will be jealous of your freelance life and that may come across as a pleasant kind of envy or it may come across in a meaner form. Some friends will read your stuff and others won’t be interested. But somewhere in your group of friends, you should be able to find the ones that support what you’re doing. Identify these friends and mentally bookmark them for those times when you’re feeling in need of some support for your writing.
6. New Friends. Sometimes it can be beneficial to go out and meet new people. When you first meet someone, they only know what you tell them. Tell them that you’re a web writer and they’re going to be ask you about that. Their interest in it will help you feel better about what you do and talking about it might make you feel excited about it again.
7. Your online social network. These are the people who read your blogs and comment on them. They follow the links that you post on Twitter and Facebook. They are the people who you know from web writing and they can sometimes be the biggest support system that you have for your writing.
8. Your in-person writing groups. Any group that you’re in that has to do with writing will probably feel like a form of support. Everyone who joins these groups is committing to the importance of writing in their lives. Just doing that creates a sense of support for the work. Whether or not the group is for the writing you do for a job (ie it’s a creative writing group and you’re a news blogger), it is still a positive environment that supports your writing.
9. Any group or person you do reading with. Join a book club. These are even better than writing groups sometimes because they are filled with people who appreciate the written word but who don’t necessarily write themselves. They’ll be interested in your writing and you’ll feel a swell of pride for your work while you’re there.
10. Your online critics. Okay, these people don’t feel like they’re supporting you and it takes a tough person to see it that way. But the truth is that if they take you seriously enough to criticize your ideas online then they’re paying attention to what you write. Chalk it up to attention and turn it into a positive thing.
11. Your clients. They can sometimes be a pain in the butt but these are the people who are giving you actual money to do your writing. That says they value your work even if they’re not always easy to deal with. And those great clients who are easy to work with and who actually tell you that they appreciate your writing are people whose support is invaluable!
12. Your customers. If you sell anything at all that’s related to your writing then every person who buys from you is someone who is supporting your work. If you sell personal poetry zines at media festivals, ebooks on your website or books through Amazon then any customer at any of those places is a supporter. You should gather as much contact information from those people as you can to create an email group just for them so that you can contact them whenever you’ve got new news. At least a percentage of them will probably support it.
13. People you can subcontract to or who guest post for you. The support of these people is unique from the support that you get elsewhere. These are people who are essentially saying that they think that you’re credible enough that they’ll do writing for you and have their name possibly linked with yours.
14. People who refer you to others. These can be old clients, friends, online people - various people from the other segments of your life already mentioned - but the point is that they are supporting your work by spreading the word and that counts for a lot in this business.
15. You. Ultimately the most important person that you need to be able to count on when it comes to support for your writing is you. Commit to your writing. Value your writing. Take time not only to write but also to do other things that inspire you so that you have the creativity and rest required for ongoing writing. Be there for yourself. The more you support yourself, the more likely it is that others in your life will take your writing seriously and support you as well.

The most important things to remember when you’re feeling unsupported in your freelance writing career are that there are many different places that you can get support and many different kinds of support that you can get. A friend may not ever read your blog but she may introduce you to others as “my friend who writes a blog”. A parent may gripe that you don’t have a traditional job but keep your books on the bookshelf where everyone can see them. Learn to recognize the support that you do get, turn to many different sources for it and ask for more from the right people when you need it. It’ll help your career for a long time to come.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Writers love to get creative with words so in the spirit of the holidays, let’s look at a bunch of different ways to say I Love You. I’m not talking about different actions that you can take or loving gifts you can give or things you can write for Valentine’s Day. I’ve covered those in other posts. I’m talking about playing with language and the use of synonyms and adjectives to creatively say “I love you”.

• I love you.
• I’m enamored of you.
• I adore you.
• I’m passionate about you.
• I’m in love with you.
• I get excited by you.
• I feel deeply about you.
• I have a lot of affection for you.
• I’m feeling amorous towards you.
• I’m absolutely enchanted by you.
• I’m head over heels for you.
• I get turned on by you.
• I feel attached to you.
• I relish being with you.
• I cherish you.
• I worship you.
• I feel warm and fuzzy inside because of you.
• I’m mad for you.
• I’m truly delighted by you.
• I have a hankering for your love.
• I’m ardently interested in you.
• I feel intrigued by you.
• I admire you.
• I feel the earth shake because of you.
• I am drawn to you.
• I am captivated by you.
• I have fallen for you.
• I long for you.
• I yearn for you.
• I delight in you.
• I have it bad for you.
• I give my heart to you.
• I treasure you.
• I think the world of you.
• I value you.
• I’m smitten with you.
• I, like, totally dig you.
• I’m hot for you.
• I’m nuts about you.
• I’m wild for you.
• I’m really serious about you.
• I have intense emotions about you.
• I take you into my heart.
• I’m crazy about you.
• There are no words to describe how much I care about you.

Of course, writers are picky about their words. Not all of these things specifically mean “I love you”. Make sure that you use the words you really mean with the people you love today!

What’s the most creative way that you know of to say “I Love You”?

Earlier this week I wrote a post about how I don’t necessarily tend to date other writers. But that doesn’t mean that I think people shouldn’t date writers. In fact, I think that there are a lot of great things in store for you if you decide to date a writer - especially if you aren’t one yourself.

Here’s a look at 20 reasons to date a writer:

1. Writers will romance you with words. Dating a writer means that you will receive love letters. Quirky notes will turn up in your pockets. Flowery descriptions of everything great about you will be shared on special occasions. See my recent post on things to write someone for Valentine’s Day for an idea of what you may receive when dating a writer.
2. Writers will write about you. Date a blog writer and you’ll find yourself bookmarking that blog to see if there are references to you in it. Date a poet and you will see yourself reflected back in some of the lines of poetry that the person recites at open mic nights. Your narcissistic tendencies will be happily fed when you date a writer. Of course, the drawback here is that dating a writer means that personal details about you may turn up in written form and the writer may write much less flattering things about you if you break up.
3. Writers will take you to interesting events. Writers, as a general rule, are curious people. We like to go to lots of different types of things so that we can widen the boundaries of our life experience and therefore broaden our writing. When you date a writer, you can expect to be invited to everything from burlesque shows to roller derby races to foreign countries.
4. Writers will remind you that money doesn’t matter so much. People who write for a living don’t do it to get rich. They know that money may matter but it’s not the most important thing in life. Dating a writer will help to remind you that it’s important to pursue your passions.
5. Writers will acknowledge you and dedicate things to you. Writers are big on acknowledging those who have helped them. Almost every book at the bookstore has a page for dedications and / or acknowledgments. Song writers and poets frequently include a dedication on their work. Date a writer and the world will know that you’ve supported someone in the arts.
6. Writers will offer you an interesting perspective on things. There is a writing quote about how writers taste life twice - once in the living and once in the re-telling on the page. Writers pay attention to interesting details in life so that they can recapture the world in their writing. When you date a writer, you will be privy to all of their insights about life’s events and experiences - and you may find that you get to see things in a whole new light.
7. Writers are smart. The majority of writers are intelligent people. They are usually well-read and well-educated which means they can hold their own in many types of conversations. Dating someone dumb just isn’t fun for long; dating someone smart is always an interesting challenge.
8. Writers are really passionate. Writers use all of their senses. They are passionate about their work and passionate about their lives. Your life will be enhanced by this passion for things when you date a writer.
9. Writers can think through their feelings. Writers may be really passionate but most of them don’t fly off-the-handle with emotion. They like to take time to process things. This ability is a true asset in a long-term relationship.
10. Writers enjoy their solitude. Unless you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you probably want at least some time to yourself and time to spend with your friends and family. Writers want time to be alone to write and think which means that you’ll get your own much-needed space as well.
11. Writers are creative. This sounds obvious but it has a deeper truth to it. Creative people are more capable of coming up with solutions to problems in life. Dating a writer means a chance to come up with creative solutions to life’s problems.
12. Writers wear their hearts on their sleeves. Sure this depends on the writer but most writers are pretty good at articulating what is going on with them. If they adore you, you’ll know it. If they’re mad at you, you probably won’t have to guess at why.
13. Writers will teach you cool new words. Writers love words. It can be irritating when they use ten dollar words in normal conversations but it can also be kind of fun to stretch your mind and build your vocabulary. Expect to play lots of Scrabble when dating a writer.
14. Writers may be able to adjust their schedules for you. Writers who can set their own schedules might be willing to rearrange things to spend time with you. They might be happy to meet you for a long lunch or to spend a luxurious morning in bed with you. Don’t expect the writer you’re dating to give up all of his or her time - they have to work regularly to pay their bills just like anyone else - but do know that there are some scheduling perks possible when you date a writer.
15. Writers can find 1000 ways to tell you why they like you. Writers are wordy and they like to express themselves. You can bask in the glow of hearing good things about yourself in ways that you’ve never heard them before. Of course, some writers will also be all too happy to tell you your faults so make sure you date a kind writer!
16. Writers communicate in a bunch of different ways. Most writers are pretty flexible in how they communicate. They’ll be just as content to get an email from you or to chat on IM with you as they are to talk on the phone (maybe even more so). This means that however you communicate regularly is probably fine for the writer you’re dating. 
17. Writers can work from anywhere. This is nice because it means that writers can happily travel with you. They may have to take a laptop and spend some time at the hotel when you go to the beach but you can enjoy much easier vacation planning with a writer than with someone who works a 9-5 job.
18. Writers are surrounded by interesting people. Writers have a lot of characters in their lives. If you like meeting interesting people, just plan on being the date that goes along to parties and other gatherings with a writer.
19. Writers are easy to buy gifts for. Writers are happy with little things. Most writers like getting books as gifts. Since they aren’t really into the pursuit of money, they aren’t going to be chasing you for the big bucks you spend on them. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spoil a writer if you want to but you should know that they value thoughtfulness way more than most material things.
20. Writers are sexy. There is a reason that people have fantasies about the school librarian. Male or female, those bookish types are hot hot hot.

So, why wouldn’t you date a writer?!

I’ve been a writer for about as long as I can remember but I didn’t always define myself as one. Looking back over the course of my personal history, what I see is that I have almost never dated other writers unless I was in one of those periods in my life when I didn’t define myself as being a writer. Thinking about that has me wondering about the pros and cons of dating a writer when you are a writer yourself.

I’m not sure exactly what the reason is that I don’t typically date other writers. But here are some of the vague conclusions that I’ve come up with of why it’s difficult for two writers to date happily:

• Relationships work best when there is a balance between two personalities. Yes, it’s best if you have some common ground but there is some truth to opposites attracting. Having two really wordy people in one relationship can get really intense and throw things off balance.
• I really don’t enjoy talking about my writing. Every writer that I’ve ever dated wanted to discuss my writing. I typically don’t like talking about my writing. Writing is what I do. I journal about my writing and I blog about my writing. When I am with others, except in the context of a writer/editor or collaborative writing situation, I really don’t want to discuss my writing.
• Writers are naturally soliatary people so it’s not as common for two writers to meet as it is for one writer to meet people from other careers. Even when they do meet, there may be no one in the relationship to push things forward because both people are inwardly focused on their work. I’ve met other writers in only two basic ways - through attending live writing performances or through developing connections first formed on the Internet.
• Another writer doesn’t always make a good muse. My writing flourishes when I am totally inspired by another person. It’s not impossible for another writer to inspire me but the relationship between us is different because I know their craft. Instead, I tend to be inspired by people who can do things that I don’t understand at all - fix cars and computers, play instruments magically - things that can wow me because there is mystery in them.

There are certainly plenty of examples of writers who have dated other writers - both famously and quietly in our real lives. As a general rule, what I’ve seen from those relationships includes:

• Only one of the two writers typically has great success. Or only one of the writers will be in the public eye for his or her writing. For example, did you know that Stephen King’s wife is also a writer? Historically male writers were known for stealing the work of their female partners and using it under their own names (
• There is often a mentoring situation going on between the two writers. One of the writers tends to be more developed in the craft and will assist the other writer in developing his or her voice. I think this is the reason that I was drawn to dating writers when I was still struggling to define myself as one - it gave me someone to guide my work.
• They often write very different things. One will be a web writer while the other is a book author or one will write non-fiction while the other writes poetry.

I think that two writers can work together in a positive relationship for a long time. I do think that it’s possible. And I’m not specifically averse to dating other writers. In fact, I think that there’s something positive about being in a relationship with someone who understands your creative pursuits. But I do think that it adds a new level of complexity to the already complicated situation of dating.

What do you think? Do you, as a writer, like dating other writers?