Real Words

“Thank God it’s Friday because to me Friday means I can work for the next two days without interruptions,” John Hope Franklin.

One of the things that I constantly play around with as a freelance writer is when exactly I want to take my “free time”. I’ve tried working a Monday through Friday and taking traditional weekends off. Sometimes that’s great because it allows me to be on the same schedule as everyone else which makes it easier to coordinate both work-related things (like interviews) and social things with other people who work a normal schedule.

But at other times, it has seemed better to work through the weekends and to take my days off during the week. Sometimes I’ll take two days in a row mid-week and other times I’ll take two days apart separately during the week. Having days off during the week has a number of benefits. It’s great for being able to do things alone – like going to museums or browsing through thrift shops – because places like that are empty on weekdays and there aren’t a lot of people demanding my time.

And, as highlighted by the quote above, sometimes it’s nice to work on weekends. Or rather, it’s nice to be creative on weekends. Work for many freelancers means interviews and answering emails and searching for new jobs online. We spend many of our working hours doing tasks that rely in some way on interacting (usually virtually) with others. On the weekends, nobody expects us to answer our email or pick up the phone so it’s possible to do the real work of being creative without those other tedious interruptions.

For me, no single set schedule has ever worked best. I try something for awhile and then I change it again. Or I alter my schedule to adapt to different projects that are going on or different obligations that I may have. But I keep trying. I think it’s important to be able to work on the schedule which suits you best, both professionally and socially. That’s one of the major benefits of working independently, even though it can be one of the more difficult parts to figure out.

Beyond anything else, I think the key is balance. It’s important to take free time and it’s important to make sure that you are also putting in enough hours on the job. Whether those hours are in chunks of five days work / two days off or blocks of time throughout each day or whatever, it’s important to keep defining the right balance for yourself as a writer and making sure to carve out a situation that allows for that balance so that you can always be at your best.

Okay, okay so I constantly post announcements that stuff from this blog has been included in a blog carnival somewhere else on the web. It’s true – I have a serious love of the blog carnival. I particularly like blog carnivals about writing because I feel like they provide me with an opportunity to explore the great writing tips and thoughts that come from other people around the blogosphere who are interested in the craft that I call my career.

And sure enough, my recent post on the importance of exposing yourself to creativity in all forms has been included in a new blog carnival over at Distiller’s Corner. I particularly love this blog carnival because it’s a carnival of beginning writers which means that the theme is to give advice and thoughts to new writers. Of course, this advice often turns out to serve as great reminders for established writers as well.

Advice that came out of this blog carnival ran the gamut of topics including basic plot writing, developing a character’s voice, use of organizational tools and journals, being persistent and persuasive and passionate, and tips on working from home. In addition to this advice, there were samples of people’s writing on a range of things including family vacations, drawing and life in the future.

There are a lot of great writers contributing to carnivals like this one so I hope you’ll check them out.

And although it’s not a blog carnival, I’d like to point out that my recent post on reasons to date a writer was included in a fun roundup of Valentine’s Day writing posts that also included posts of Valentine’s presents, the business of freelancing and the value of loving what you do. Great stuff!

Earlier this week I wrote a post about how I don’t necessarily tend to date other writers. But that doesn’t mean that I think people shouldn’t date writers. In fact, I think that there are a lot of great things in store for you if you decide to date a writer – especially if you aren’t one yourself.

Here’s a look at 20 reasons to date a writer:

1. Writers will romance you with words. Dating a writer means that you will receive love letters. Quirky notes will turn up in your pockets. Flowery descriptions of everything great about you will be shared on special occasions. See my recent post on things to write someone for Valentine’s Day for an idea of what you may receive when dating a writer.
2. Writers will write about you. Date a blog writer and you’ll find yourself bookmarking that blog to see if there are references to you in it. Date a poet and you will see yourself reflected back in some of the lines of poetry that the person recites at open mic nights. Your narcissistic tendencies will be happily fed when you date a writer. Of course, the drawback here is that dating a writer means that personal details about you may turn up in written form and the writer may write much less flattering things about you if you break up.
3. Writers will take you to interesting events. Writers, as a general rule, are curious people. We like to go to lots of different types of things so that we can widen the boundaries of our life experience and therefore broaden our writing. When you date a writer, you can expect to be invited to everything from burlesque shows to roller derby races to foreign countries.
4. Writers will remind you that money doesn’t matter so much. People who write for a living don’t do it to get rich. They know that money may matter but it’s not the most important thing in life. Dating a writer will help to remind you that it’s important to pursue your passions.
5. Writers will acknowledge you and dedicate things to you. Writers are big on acknowledging those who have helped them. Almost every book at the bookstore has a page for dedications and / or acknowledgments. Song writers and poets frequently include a dedication on their work. Date a writer and the world will know that you’ve supported someone in the arts.
6. Writers will offer you an interesting perspective on things. There is a writing quote about how writers taste life twice – once in the living and once in the re-telling on the page. Writers pay attention to interesting details in life so that they can recapture the world in their writing. When you date a writer, you will be privy to all of their insights about life’s events and experiences – and you may find that you get to see things in a whole new light.
7. Writers are smart. The majority of writers are intelligent people. They are usually well-read and well-educated which means they can hold their own in many types of conversations. Dating someone dumb just isn’t fun for long; dating someone smart is always an interesting challenge.
8. Writers are really passionate. Writers use all of their senses. They are passionate about their work and passionate about their lives. Your life will be enhanced by this passion for things when you date a writer.
9. Writers can think through their feelings. Writers may be really passionate but most of them don’t fly off-the-handle with emotion. They like to take time to process things. This ability is a true asset in a long-term relationship.
10. Writers enjoy their solitude. Unless you’re in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you probably want at least some time to yourself and time to spend with your friends and family. Writers want time to be alone to write and think which means that you’ll get your own much-needed space as well.
11. Writers are creative. This sounds obvious but it has a deeper truth to it. Creative people are more capable of coming up with solutions to problems in life. Dating a writer means a chance to come up with creative solutions to life’s problems.
12. Writers wear their hearts on their sleeves. Sure this depends on the writer but most writers are pretty good at articulating what is going on with them. If they adore you, you’ll know it. If they’re mad at you, you probably won’t have to guess at why.
13. Writers will teach you cool new words. Writers love words. It can be irritating when they use ten dollar words in normal conversations but it can also be kind of fun to stretch your mind and build your vocabulary. Expect to play lots of Scrabble when dating a writer.
14. Writers may be able to adjust their schedules for you. Writers who can set their own schedules might be willing to rearrange things to spend time with you. They might be happy to meet you for a long lunch or to spend a luxurious morning in bed with you. Don’t expect the writer you’re dating to give up all of his or her time – they have to work regularly to pay their bills just like anyone else – but do know that there are some scheduling perks possible when you date a writer.
15. Writers can find 1000 ways to tell you why they like you. Writers are wordy and they like to express themselves. You can bask in the glow of hearing good things about yourself in ways that you’ve never heard them before. Of course, some writers will also be all too happy to tell you your faults so make sure you date a kind writer!
16. Writers communicate in a bunch of different ways. Most writers are pretty flexible in how they communicate. They’ll be just as content to get an email from you or to chat on IM with you as they are to talk on the phone (maybe even more so). This means that however you communicate regularly is probably fine for the writer you’re dating. 
17. Writers can work from anywhere. This is nice because it means that writers can happily travel with you. They may have to take a laptop and spend some time at the hotel when you go to the beach but you can enjoy much easier vacation planning with a writer than with someone who works a 9-5 job.
18. Writers are surrounded by interesting people. Writers have a lot of characters in their lives. If you like meeting interesting people, just plan on being the date that goes along to parties and other gatherings with a writer.
19. Writers are easy to buy gifts for. Writers are happy with little things. Most writers like getting books as gifts. Since they aren’t really into the pursuit of money, they aren’t going to be chasing you for the big bucks you spend on them. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spoil a writer if you want to but you should know that they value thoughtfulness way more than most material things.
20. Writers are sexy. There is a reason that people have fantasies about the school librarian. Male or female, those bookish types are hot hot hot.

So, why wouldn’t you date a writer?!

I’ve been a writer for about as long as I can remember but I didn’t always define myself as one. Looking back over the course of my personal history, what I see is that I have almost never dated other writers unless I was in one of those periods in my life when I didn’t define myself as being a writer. Thinking about that has me wondering about the pros and cons of dating a writer when you are a writer yourself.

I’m not sure exactly what the reason is that I don’t typically date other writers. But here are some of the vague conclusions that I’ve come up with of why it’s difficult for two writers to date happily:

• Relationships work best when there is a balance between two personalities. Yes, it’s best if you have some common ground but there is some truth to opposites attracting. Having two really wordy people in one relationship can get really intense and throw things off balance.
• I really don’t enjoy talking about my writing. Every writer that I’ve ever dated wanted to discuss my writing. I typically don’t like talking about my writing. Writing is what I do. I journal about my writing and I blog about my writing. When I am with others, except in the context of a writer/editor or collaborative writing situation, I really don’t want to discuss my writing.
• Writers are naturally soliatary people so it’s not as common for two writers to meet as it is for one writer to meet people from other careers. Even when they do meet, there may be no one in the relationship to push things forward because both people are inwardly focused on their work. I’ve met other writers in only two basic ways – through attending live writing performances or through developing connections first formed on the Internet.
• Another writer doesn’t always make a good muse. My writing flourishes when I am totally inspired by another person. It’s not impossible for another writer to inspire me but the relationship between us is different because I know their craft. Instead, I tend to be inspired by people who can do things that I don’t understand at all – fix cars and computers, play instruments magically – things that can wow me because there is mystery in them.

There are certainly plenty of examples of writers who have dated other writers – both famously and quietly in our real lives. As a general rule, what I’ve seen from those relationships includes:

• Only one of the two writers typically has great success. Or only one of the writers will be in the public eye for his or her writing. For example, did you know that Stephen King’s wife is also a writer? Historically male writers were known for stealing the work of their female partners and using it under their own names (
• There is often a mentoring situation going on between the two writers. One of the writers tends to be more developed in the craft and will assist the other writer in developing his or her voice. I think this is the reason that I was drawn to dating writers when I was still struggling to define myself as one – it gave me someone to guide my work.
• They often write very different things. One will be a web writer while the other is a book author or one will write non-fiction while the other writes poetry.

I think that two writers can work together in a positive relationship for a long time. I do think that it’s possible. And I’m not specifically averse to dating other writers. In fact, I think that there’s something positive about being in a relationship with someone who understands your creative pursuits. But I do think that it adds a new level of complexity to the already complicated situation of dating.

What do you think? Do you, as a writer, like dating other writers?

I recently filled out one of those “25 random things about me” notes that keep popping up all over Facebook lately. At first I was going to ignore the requests but then I saw how interesting it was to read what everyone else I know was writing about themselves so I decided to go ahead and participate in order to keep it going. Doing so reminded me of when I used to be really involved in penpalling back in high school.

Most people don’t know this about me but there was a point in time when I had over 100 pen pals that I corresponded with on a regular or semi-regular basis. All through handwritten letters sent via the USPS. I probably spent more of my class time in high school writing letters to people I didn’t know than getting to know the people I was in school with. I certainly spent more time writing letters than writing class assignments.

This obsession started out innocently enough. I got my first few pen pals through one of those ads they used to have in magazines that linked you to others through the mail. Then those people sent me the addresses of their pen pals. And my links to people across the nation started to grow.

Soon, one of these pen pals introduced me to friendship books. These were little paper booklets – you’d decorate a page with some information about yourself, include your address and sent it on to the next pen pal. It was a way to meet other people who wanted to share thoughts and friendships through letters.

At some point in my exchange of friendship books, someone sent me a “slam” which was more or less a booklet of questions that you answered about yourself. It is these slams that the Facebook note thing reminds me of – learning curious facts about people you do and don’t know in a somewhat communal manner. In addition to friendship books and slams, I started doing swaps with my pals (of everything including books, stickers, fabrics, movies, mix tapes …) and I started getting into zines.

But what was really treasured, of course, was the letter that came with the package. Through writing letters to others, I was able to start more clearly defining who I was. Through receiving letters from around the world, I was able to learn about things and places that I may have taken a long time to discover on my own. I still have many of the letters that were sent to me back then and I treasure those old friendships though I’m not in touch with too many of my old pals.

People probably still write letters by hand to their pen pals but those days are gone for me. After a few years, the urge to write letters gave way to the urge to write other things. I was introduced to email and instant messaging and then to MySpace and started doing some correspondence there – and eventually I moved on to Facebook and LinkedIn and blogging. I’ve participated in a few mail swaps and I do paperback book exchanges but for the most part my mailbox is pretty empty these days.

I would say this is neither good nor bad – or perhaps both. Getting stuff in the mail is fun and I miss that sometimes. But I like the instant gratification that comes with online communication and I find it a much easier way to stay in touch with people. Online social networking has many of the same great things about it that drew me to penpalling in the first place and I’m glad that it’s an outlet I have today when I’m not nearly as inclined to write long letters.

I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before there are tons of variations on this “25 random things” that become merely annoying to deal with but for now it’s kind of neat to see these little things popping up online that remind me of my pen pal days. 

Incidentally, you can feel free to add me on Facebook. I like new friends there. However, you should tell me something about who you are and why you want to add me. I’m not averse to adding strangers but I’d like to know why you want to know me!

I recently pointed out that posts from this blog were included in a couple of blog carnivals on writing. And it turns out that the fun wasn’t done yet because another post of mine turned up in two more blog carnivals this week.

The Diary of a Mad Editor blog does a blog carnival which included a post I wrote recently on the importance of exposing yourself to other forms of creativity even though writing may be your main form of creative self-expression. My post was in good company with some other writers on this blog that you may find worthwhile to check out. My post was under the writing tips category which also included thoughts on the importance of routines as well as thoughts on protecting your reputation. Three additional posts in this blog carnival were an interview with Samuel Shem (which is actually a pen name used by psychiatrist / author Stephen Bergman), thoughts on the death of Rumpole creator John Mortimer, and info on the use of Twitter as a freelancer.

That same blog post of mine was also part of the Fiction Scribe blog carnival. It was one of only two posts in the “writing tools” category; the other was on using controversy in marketing. There was one post each in the categories of humor, poetry and true life stories. Interestingly, Diary of a Mad Editor (from the carnival listed above) had several contributions included in this carnival. Other contributors with multiple submissions were RayRay’s Writing and Gal Josefsberg. Other individual submissions worthy of note included minimalist writing tips, thoughts on deriving ideas, tips for selling books on a blog and fiction samples from Pandora Parker, Steve Likes to Curse, Mixed Metaphor and Cold Snapdragon.

Those two blog carnivals were the ones that would probably interest writers most but I have another article of mine included in a third blog carnival – this one on the topic of home design. I write weekly articles over at Houzz.com about different design stuff and one of my articles (on stairways) was included in the blog carnival at ABC’s of Fine Design. People who are interested in interior design may want to check out the other posts at the carnival which included posts on decorating bathrooms, nurseries and the outdoors (including lawn care). There were also tips on making your home smell good, organizing in a small space, using light and decorating to sell your home. Plus there was a cool post on chairs, a topic which I’ve also written about recently.

Hope you enjoy these blog carnivals as much as I did!

It’s February now which means that it’s almost Valentine’s Day. That, in turn, means that it’s time to start thinking about the gifts that we’re planning to give to the people that we love. Of course, your greatest gift as a writer is your ability to write. Perhaps you should use that gift to give something special to your Valentine?

Here’s a look at seventeen different things that you could write for Valentine’s Day:

1. A really romantic love letter. Or a humorous one. Or a logical one. Any love letter that you write is going to be a sweet gift that someone else will probably save for many more Valentine’s days to come.
2. A recipe. If you’re the kind of writer who enjoys writing for cookbooks then you may want to come up with a special recipe for Valentine’s Day and write it down. If you want to get really creative, write your own mini-cookbook with a series of aphrodisiac-rich recipes and a few recipes for love.
3. A poem. Poetry is the favored writing of anyone who is in love (or anyone who has recently fallen out of love for that matter). Put the pen to the page and try to get a poem written to express your feelings.
4. Messages on Post-It notes. One of the tips that I love to write about when putting together lists of sweet things to do for a lover is the tip about writing down messages on post-it notes and tacking them to places where they’ll be discovered later. Put your creative writing talents to use and write out really fun things that go along with the place your posting that note. For example, “you’ve got me wrapped around your little finger” would be a cute note inside of a jewelry box where rings are kept and “I feel hungry for you love” goes nicely in the refrigerator.
5. A song. Sometimes mere words are not enough to say what you want to say. Perhaps you’ll be moved to add some music to your lyrics and sing it instead?!
6. Loving fortunes. Or naughty ones. Or silly ones. You can make your own fortune cookies at home and fill them with creative fortunes written from your own imagination.
7. Erotica. Spill your own fantasies on the page written just for you and the one that you want to get naked with. Make it all about your partner and youl. Then read it aloud to him or her on Valentine’s Day.
8. 100 reasons you love that person. You can come up with one hundred reasons if you try. Put them down in a notebook, write them on photos and put them in an album or place them on 100 scraps of paper and stick them in a decorative box.
9. Love sayings on flower petals. Get a flower that has big petals. Get a marker that can write on flower petals (fabric markers work well). Now write “I love you” in a bunch of different ways on each of those petals. Your sweetheart will look at all those “I’m infatuated with you” and “I get excited by you” notes on that flower and fall head over heels in love with you again.
10. Quick love notes in nature. Write out your feelings in the snow or the mud.
11. A blog post about your darling. If you already keep a blog, consider mentioning the person that you love on that blog on Valentine’s Day. Of course, how you do this depends on what your blog is about and how personal you are in it but you can probably find a creative way to insert some public feelings for your partner; after all, you’re a writer.
12. A homemade Valentine’s Day card. Get creative with your artwork and your words and make something special.
13. A booklet of memories. Sit down with a special journal and write out all of the great memories that you have with the person that you love. Leave blank pages at the end so that you can add more stories in the future!
14. A Valentine’s email. Send a flirty/naughty/romantic/sweet email to the person (or people!) that you feel passionately about.
15. A love message in the bathroom. Write out your feelings of love on the mirror either in the steam from the shower or in lipstick.
16. Coupons for your loving services. Make a book of coupons that your sweetie can cash in with you later in the year. Be as creative as possible in coming up with the gifts that you want to give as time goes on.
17. A book. Okay, most of us aren’t going to write a book in the next two weeks. But if you’ve been working on one that is close to publication, consider dedicating it in print to the one that you love. Or let the person know that you’d like to do this once the book is done.

All writers should be able to write something for the person that they love! Incidentally, I have a few other Valentine’s Day articles floating around the web right now if you want to check them out: Getting Creative with Love: 10 Really Cool DIY Valentine’s Projects and 25 Frugal Valentine’s Ideas That Won’t Make You Look Cheap.